Meditating at Cinnamon Bay, St. John

Blog Post 6.5   It’s amazing to me that after 50 years of life (!) I finally realized that we have the ability to control our minds instead of letting our minds control us.  Therein lies the power of meditation.  Prior to 2011, I thought meditation was the purview of people from the 60s or those that wished they were still at Haight Ashbury during the ‘Summer of Love’.  Meditation was a little too ‘out there’ for me.  Boy, was I wrong.  During a difficult 2011, I was grasping for anything that could make life’s changes more understandable and less stressful.  We all try to deal with the stressors of a fast-paced life as best we can.  Generally, the higher the stress or anxiety level, the greater the chance for a less than positive outlook (which, in turn, can sabotage our careers, thereby increasing stress)!

We’d all like a chance to catch our breath, settle our restless minds and breathe, but who has the time?  Is there a way for those of us who aren’t ready (or can’t afford) to retire on a beach somewhere to gain control of our thoughts and emotions?   Well, not to sound cryptic, but the answer lies within.  Meditation!  I know some of you may be thinking, “I don’t have the time,” or, “I don’t have the patience,” or “That’s too weird for me,” or “How does one even get started?”  That’s why I’m taking the time on this blog entry to cover the why and how of meditation, in the hope that it will pave the way for you to reap the rewards of a trained, focused and more peaceful mind.

Answering the “Why meditate?” question is easy.  We ALL have a calm, clear mind buried somewhere under the static, chores, duties, responsibilities, stressors and irritations that come naturally from bludgeoning our way through life with an untrained mind.  We may be “successful” on several scales, but can we really ever consider ourselves successful until we have peace of mind?  How much is that worth to you?  People pay a lot of money to go sit on a beach for a week or two and pretend they don’t have any problems, only to return to “real life” and have it all crash down on their shoulders again.

Well, meditation doesn’t cost anything and you can start in just a few minutes a day, once you know the steps.  You will quickly discover that you aren’t required to act on every thought.  Your mind can be a great ally in your struggles and experiences, instead of a source of rigidity or painful thoughts that take control of your emotions.  Often we are burdened with our mind’s inflexible perceptions which we hard-wire over many years of experiences.  This dampens our ability to see things as they are, react appropriately and move in a helpful, more positive direction.  Meditation enables us to ‘re-wire’ our minds.

OK, so how do you get started?  This is the best part.  The equipment cost is $0.  No fancy gym membership required, no lululemon athletic wear, or professionals charging exorbitant hourly fees.  However, there are a few things that will help you get better results quicker.  First, pick a quiet, comfortable, clean place.  Preferably someplace spacious or where you feel uplifted.  Second, pick a time to give it a go and try to stick with that time daily if at all possible.  Maybe you have 10 minutes in the morning?  In preparation, try to wind down any tension you have so you can really relax and flow into a calm state.  Maybe even stretch out a bit to limber your body as well as your mind. Now you’re ready.

Take an upright, seated position, well-grounded either on a cushion (with legs loosely crossed) or a chair (with feet flat on the floor).  Hands on the thighs, fingers relaxed, chin tucked, jaw relaxed, eyes and mouth slightly open, gaze down or close your eyes.  It’s not about intake right now…not really looking and not really listening, just…being.  Now here comes the fun part.  Pay attention…to your breath.  Try counting the cycles of in and out.  If you find your focus wavering, check your posture.  Upright with an imaginary string pulling your spine straight as your body relaxes around it.  Recognize any thoughts rushing in, let them go, and continue to breathe steadily in and out.  In time, the mind will relax and the thoughts will slow, allowing you to get down to the business of synchronizing your body and mind.  Deep, calm, settled.  This leads to mindfulness – the ability and experience of complete immersion in the present moment, often with gratitude, recognition of the beautiful life that surrounds and welcomes us with a more complete existence.  You may want to try a Meditation Center near where you live to get you started.  Most Centers offer guided meditation for beginners that may cost $5 per 1 hour class.  The Shambhala Mediation Center of Boston, for example, can be reached at info@shambhalaboston.org.

Sound too good to be true?  In the short time I’ve been practicing I’ve noticed dramatic and exciting changes for the better, both in my mood, thought patterns and physical presence.  This is something everyone can do, with patience and practice, and it is highly recommended as a method to steady your thoughts and actions, increase your level of calm and happiness and move through life unhindered by the various demons that make their presence known throughout our day.

And just another quick note…Yoga can often provide similar benefits, with the added bonus of increasing flexibility.  I know it can be difficult working it into your normal routine of weights + cardio, but definitely consider it an option – meditation in movement – good stuff!  As always, I’m interested to hear any comments or suggestions that you may have, or techniques that worked for you.  We’re all in this together.  Best of luck!  Rob

Excellent Books about Meditation:

When the Chocolate Runs Out ; Lama Yeshe, Wisdom Publications, Boston

The Joy of Living; Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, Three Rivers Press, New York

Blog Post 6.4    I met a guy at a charity event a few years ago who was studying to get a degree of some sort in acupuncture.  I can’t remember the school he was going to but I remember it was a multi-year program and I was surprised that the training was so extensive.   I was telling him that my daughter had been seeing an acupuncturist for years to help relieve her leg pain and it really seemed to work.  Since I am a notoriously bad sleeper I asked my new friend if acupuncture could help and he assured me it would.

That was three years ago and I still go to my acupuncturist at least every 2 weeks.  I felt a little weird at first getting ‘needled’ but I’m a huge fan now.  The sessions usually last about an hour and start with an assessment from a trained practitioner of acupuncture and Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM).  Not to my surprise, my acupuncturist attributed my sleeping problems to an overactive response to stress.  We all deal with many stressors in this fast-paced world and the symptoms can really bring us down.  I don’t know about you but when I don’t sleep well I get pretty cranky.  It’s hard to have a positive outlook then!

Modern day stress is considerably higher, more frequent and more consistent than what our predecessors experienced.  Over time this excess stress can be very detrimental to our physical and emotional health.  Unfortunately, the higher and more consistent our stress is, the higher likelihood that it gets ‘locked in’ resulting in damage to our bodies and our minds.

One way that stress affects the body is through a depletion of Qi (pronounced “chee”), especially that of the kidneys and adrenal glands.  Qi is the vital energy that supports the functions of the body.  It flows through specific pathways and provides nourishment for the entire body.  When Qi becomes blocked or depleted our health can become compromised.

I don’t know how this was figured out thousands of years ago but I can tell you it works!  I always sleep better after my acupuncture treatments.  I feel less stressed, have a better perspective, think more clearly, and generally am much more positive and pleasant to be around.  My career and interpersonal relationships are significant beneficiaries.

Acupuncture does not have to be expensive.  While private sessions are around $80 in the Boston area, many centers have group acupuncture that cost as little as $25 per session.  While it may seem a little unusual to be sitting in a recliner with 5 other people around, the room is very peaceful and serene and the acupuncture is just as powerful.

Don’t be afraid.  It doesn’t hurt…..that much!  The needles are so thin that you really can’t feel them.  You may feel a weird, very slight ‘electrical shock’ sensation initially but chances are you’ll keep going back for more once you see the benefits in your daily attitude.   Rob

THANK YOU to Pathways to Wellness at 601 Washington Street, Boston, for opening my eyes to TCM.

Blog Post 6.3:  Even the Most Optimistic People Can get Depressed.

I think many of us suffer from depression at one point or another in our lives.  It’s extremely difficult to have a positive attitude when you are struggling with depression either on a long-term basis (clinical depression) or as a result of a difficult life event (situational depression).

One of the worst bouts of depression I had was when I was going through a divorce in the late 1990s.  For a period of time I allowed my depression to have a very negative impact on my life. After a few months, I realized that the impact on my career was becoming very detrimental. Given the importance I put on career growth, I knew I had to do something.  The late 90s was the period of my life when my career took off.  There is no way this would have happened if I had not been proactive about dealing with my debilitating depression.

At that time I talked to my doctor about how I was feeling and he recommended an excellent therapist. I began talk therapy followed in a few months by antidepressant medication.  I found the talk therapy to be extremely helpful in getting perspective on my issues and the medication kept me more balanced on a day-to-day basis.

My depression also impacted my relationships with friends and family. Maybe the catalyst to spring into action should have come from the impact on my interpersonal relationships but it didn’t. I’ve learned a lot since then!!  Now I know how important it is to balance both my career and my relationships.

That said, 2011 was another very difficult year for me regarding my personal life. If you’ve been reading my blog post for the past few months you may remember the ’2 Swift Kicks in the Head’ blog. Yes, 2011 was tough, but it was also a very productive year for personal growth and my career.  Again I was forced to became pro-active and deal with my depression.  This time I also added yoga and meditation to the mix.  The combination was very helpful and enabled me to grow more than I ever could on my own.

If you think you might be depressed below is a link to a quick online quiz that will take less than 3 minutes to complete:

http://www.webmd.com/depression/depression-symptom-quiz

One of the biggest traps of depression is a tendency to isolate and disconnect from people. This is one of the worst things you can do. It will only make your mood worse. Make sure to stay socially active and maintain close-knit bonds with loved ones, even when it involves some effort. Talking with your close friends about your sadness is healing and liberating. It’s important to get your feelings out!!

Symptoms of Depression

People with depressive illnesses do not all experience the same symptoms. How severe, how frequent, and how long the symptoms of depression last will always vary. Below are common symptoms people with depression experience (source: National Institute of Mental Health):

• difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
• fatigue and decreased energy
• feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
• feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
• insomnia, early morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
• loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
• overeating or appetite loss
• persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” feelings
• thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

Causes of Depression

The cause of depression is usually a combination of life events and chemical changes in the brain. Some types of depression run in families—but depression can also occur if you have no family history of the illness. Depression can also manifest as anxiety, anger and cynicism—being depressed in not just about feelings of ‘sadness’. The following may play a role in depression:

• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Certain medical conditions like cancer or chronic pain
• Seasonal changes in light and weather
• Stressful life events, such as:
  • Death or illness of someone close to you
  • Divorce
  • Job loss
  • Financial hardship
  • Breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend

Treatment of Depression

In general, the medical field or “professionals” believe that are two basic treatments for depression: The first is prescription antidepressant medications and the second is talk therapy. If you have mild depression, you may only need talk therapy. People with more severe depression generally need a combination of both treatments.

You should consult with your therapist or a psycho-pharmacologist to find the best prescription medications for you, if that is an option you want to explore…. If you want a homeopathic remedy, St. John’s Wort is an herb sold without a prescription that has been shown to help some people with mild depression. However, it can change the way other medicines work in your body, including antidepressants and birth control pills. So, please talk to your doctor before trying this or any other herbal remedy.

Typical types of ‘professional’ talk therapy are:

• Psychotherapy can help you understand the deeper issues behind your current state of mind and offer guidance and support from a mental health professional.
• Joining a support group with people who are going through a similar problem can also be very therapeutic and beneficial.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) teaches you how to counter negative thoughts and specific problem-solving techniques to break the cycle of depression.

Some inexpensive ways to cope with depression are deep breathing, meditation and exercise. Getting regular exercise is one of the absolute best ways to combat depression. Any aerobic or strength training exercise will beef up both your physical and psychological fitness. If you have the resources to get a massage or acupuncture these can be very helpful homeopathic ways to treat depression.

Inexpensive ‘sun’ lamps can also help.  Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a clinical term for the ‘winter-blues.’ Like most people, my mood is greatly impacted by the weather. This time of year when the weather is grey, cold, and the days are short it’s easy to become melancholy. ‘Light therapy’ is a beneficial aid to combat SAD. Obviously, try to expose yourself to as much natural light as possible but you can also invest in a special ‘sun’ lamp with a very bright fluorescent light (10,000 lux) that mimics natural light.

Even when you are in the blackest of blackness remember that there will be light and happiness in your soul again! Ride out the storm—but don’t do it alone. Having a positive attitude is also about taking action to improve your well being. If you are depressed the most positive thing you can do is reach out and ask for help. Open up and show your sensitivity and vulnerability to your closest friends. Their support will warm your heart.

My next blog in this Positive Attitude series will explore the benefits of yoga and meditation as a valuable method for improving mental clarity, mood and perspective. Meditation and Yoga were very helpful to me in the past year. I look forward to sharing with you. Rob

CREATING OPTIMISM: BLOG POST 6.2

Ray Kroc, of McDonald’s fame once said: “Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get.” I agree, both literally and figuratively. To me ‘sweat’ is synonymous with both hard work and physical activity. Everyone realizes that a solid work ethic is fundamental to long-term success but it’s a challenge to ‘give it your all’ when your glass is ‘half empty’. Most people underestimate the power of regular exercise to help you become a leader, innovator, and the person known as the ‘Get-it-Done’ member of the team who always pulls through and rises to the top under any circumstance.

With the struggles I’ve been through in the last 25 years, partly created by my mind (I can laugh about it now!) and partly real, I’ve tried everything to improve my mood and attitude. The power of regular physical activity is one of the most effective ways I know to not only improve your outlook and mood—but to help you Create Your Own Luck professionally. And, you can start small – any physical activity helps, you don’t have to run 5 miles a day.

That being said…..Last week I got a comment from a Guinness World Record athlete named Christopher Bergland asking me how my commitment to regular physical activity influenced my success in the business world. Like many people, I originally started working out to look better, which by the way is NOT the biggest benefit, and never thought much about the fact that my daily workouts were in fact becoming more and more entwined with my ability to rise to the top of my career.

Looking back on the pressure cooker that I was living in as a father, husband and head of revenue generation at IFIN, I realize that running and working out were not only my sanctuary but also fortified a mindset and patterns of behavior that were directly linked to my success. Now that I have retired from the investment world and am focused on teaching and writing I realize again how much exercise helps me in these fields, too.

Below are nine ways that regular physical activity has benefited me professionally and can benefit you too. The impact of exercise on our minds and bodies greatly enhances our success.

1. BRAIN POWER: Exercise makes you smarter. Scientists have discovered recently that cardiovascular exercise stimulates the creation of new brain cells. This is called neurogenesis and it makes you smarter, more focused and improves memory.

2. YOUTHFULLNESS: The key to staying young is to not degenerate physically and mentally. The BEST defense you have against the degenerative process is to move your body. (And as my friends know, I’ve tried all the nutritional supplements – I’m still a big fan of fish oil and berries!) Not only will you look and feel better well beyond your ‘prime’—this youthful disposition will keep you viable in a cut-throat job market.

3. CREATIVITY: In order to be “Remark-able” you need to have fresh ideas and learn to connect unrelated ideas in new and effective ways. Neuroscientists are just beginning to understand why “bi-pedal” activities like walking, jogging, biking lead to creative thinking and new ideas…It will take them a long time to figure that out—but in the meantime you can ask anyone who exercises regularly if they do most of their problem solving and creative thinking during their daily workout and they will say “yes.”

4. “GET-IT-DONE” ATTITUDE: When I lift weights I am very methodical about the process. I like to visualize each muscle group, the specific number of exercises, the bench I will use, sets/reps…and then I get the job done. Some people at the gym lollygag and spend most of their time socializing. Big mistake! I have a get-in, get the job done attitude at the gym that translates into a similar attitude on the job. I always finish what I start—on time—and never promise what I can’t deliver. Exercise reinforces this trait.

5. STRESS REDUCTION: Stress is public enemy number one. We live in a ‘Fight-or-Flight” world that raises level of Cortisol, also known as the “Stress Hormone.” Physical movement releases cortisol (which is also responsible for belly fat) from your body. If you don’t move your body, cortisol will continue to accumulate and you will get fatter and more stressed out. Break the cycle with at least 15 minutes of cardio most days of the week.

6. GRACE UNDER PRESSURE: With all the anxiety that people are feeling these days there is a palpable tension in the air when it comes to money and jobs. Exercise creates a sense of self-reliance and calmness. If you can get in a cardio workout before a big interview you are more likely to not panic and nail it. Remember this please!

7. ‘DOABLE’ GOALS: One of the biggest difficulties I have seen in people at the beginning of their careers is their inability to break monumental tasks into doable doses. Through working out regularly you learn to compartmentalize things in a way that allows you to nibble off what you can chew…digest it and move on to achieve a larger goal. This skill also helps you remain more positive since you will be accomplishing your smaller goals more frequently thereby giving yourself more frequent ‘congratulations!’.

8. CONFIDENCE/RESILIENCE: It takes a lot of patience and stamina to keep getting up when you feel like you’ve been knocked down again, and again. Regular physical activity gives you the inner-strength and self-belief to be strong and brave in the face of adversity. Pushing through the final reps of a tough set of weight lifting requires extra ‘Oomph!’– and a spotter, for that matter….The great thing about pushing beyond your limits is that it stimulates hormones like Testosterone which make you more of a go-getter. Try to push out of your ‘comfort zone’ physically and mentally. Your daily exercise regimen is something that YOU control and something that you can be very proud of.

9. WORK ETHIC: Nobody else can sweat for you. You get out what you put in, and more! One thing I love about seeing top executives who ‘hob-nob’ at social events in the evenings is that in the morning they are back at the gym sweating it out. Evidently they got the memo too. You can arrive at the top but in order to stay there—and be satisfied—you have to be earnest and keep sweating it out everyday. GET STARTED AND GOOD LUCK! ROB

]]> http://www.createyourownluck.com/2012/01/06/regular-physical-activity-makes-you-luckier/feed/ 2 http://www.createyourownluck.com/2011/12/31/football-optimism/ http://www.createyourownluck.com/2011/12/31/football-optimism/#comments Sat, 31 Dec 2011 17:53:09 +0000 Rob Mancuso http://www.createyourownluck.com/?p=273

Blog Post 6.1

I didn’t intend for this to be the first blog post on improving your attitude and optimism but the opportunity presented itself so why not?  It is football season and I’m all about being optimistic.

One of my favorite weekly news magazines is a publication called The Week.  I try to read it front to back each week since it provides a synopsis of the leading domestic and international stories from a variety of viewpoints.  I’m a firm believer in having an open and curious mind so it’s important for me to understand all sides of a story.

The December 23rd issue of The Week had an article on optimism entitled, ‘Tebow: How faith leads to victory’.  Tim Tebow has done wonders for the Denver Broncos but as the article states, he “has become a divisive figure in the nation’s culture wars, by flaunting his faith at every opportunity”.

Whether or not you’re a big fan of organized religion, I think there is something to be learned here.  There are a variety of ways to increase your optimism, your attitude, and your hope for the future.  Religion is one way.

Daniel Engber in Slate.com says that Tebow is a “mediocre quarterback” but if that’s the case how is he transforming the Broncos?  The article states that what has happened to the Broncos defies all “rational explanation.”  Tebow’s faith is a big part of his optimistic attitude and therefore is a big part of his success.  Frank Bruni in The New York Times says that in dire situations that would discourage most other players, Tebow has a quiet, unshakable confidence that everything will work out for the best.  His teammates are inspired by this and often it does work out for the best.  Positive attitude and optimism matter to our success.  There’s no doubt about it.

Should we all become evangelicals like Tebow?  Not necessarily.  Tebow finds optimism through his faith.  He is using the power of his brain to enhance his perception of reality and what is possible.  It doesn’t really matter how we get there as long as we find effective methods or avenues for us to train our minds to look at the bright side thereby increasing our hope for a positive outcome.

Our minds are very powerful and there are many ways that we can help our minds help us.  Organized religion is one way that works for some people.  I look forward to discussing other powerful methods as well.    Happy New Year!!  Rob

Blog Post 6: The next several blog posts will focus on what I consider one of the most important success traits to have; a Positive Attitude. I’ll discuss how to measure it, cultivate it, move towards enhancing it and keeping it.

Friends following this blog may know how much I took from my time spent at IBM, the ultimate positive attitude company. IBM was relentless in its pursuit of creating a positive attitude in its employees. It was drilled into us, our compensation was often tied to it and a negative attitude was the ultimate weakness, the kiss of death. I’m not talking about blindly being a ‘pollyanna’, making believe everything is perfect, or kissing up to your superiors. I’m talking about Can Do, Don’t Make Excuses, and Take Ownership of Issues. Improvise, Adapt, Overcome.

IBM has become one of the biggest and best companies in the world, and they did it by building an army of people that looked at obstacles as challenges and opportunities. They understood something vital; every business has problems, every life is filled with challenges – the difference between success and failure is when someone stops complaining and starts solving. Difficult tasks were “Opportunities to Excel”, and the tougher the task, the better the reward. Don’t whine, think positive, think overcome and think Solutions. You will not be able to overcome every obstacle but you will be admired and rewarded for giving it your best.

Having a positive attitude is the compass that drives your growth, and the thing that others cling to in their desire to help you move forward in your career. It speaks of your ability to overcome obstacles, which in turn allows others to trust you with more and more responsibility, and to think of you first when an opportunity comes up.  You will be noticed as someone deserving of a promotion, job offer or increased pay. People will want to work with you. They’ll ask your advice or demand that you be on project teams or advisement counseling boards. Respect, growth, success; they are all so closely linked to your attitude.

Now that I’ve made it clear how important I view this trait, how can we know where we stand? You may think you have a great attitude, but your friends, coworkers, boss or therapist might disagree. It’s very important to get an objective view. Thankfully there are some tools that can help to check the level of your attitude now, and provide some guidance on enhancing it even more.

The Psychology Today website has some great resources to help you figure out where on the scale of optimism/happiness you fall. There is a quick hit, online test you can do called Happiness Quiz, under the Tests, Health tab. This is a free, short test (10 questions) which provides a snapshot of how you view the world with a few paragraphs of worthwhile advice on adjusting your attitude to be more positive. There is also a longer, more in depth test (47 questions, appx. 20 minutes), located under the Tests, Personality tab as Optimism/Pessimism. This test will ask questions about a number of situations or facets of life, and provide a short, but interesting summary at the end. A full breakdown of the test results is available for a small fee ($4.95 at the time of writing this post), and is a very worthwhile investment in your self-awareness and growth. The full breakdown lists results, interpretation and advice concerning 5 different categories; Hopefulness, Sense of Belonging, Coping Skills, Cynicism and Sense of Invincibility. The information is clearly displayed and each category is graded on a 0-100 scale, so you can see immediately if there’s anything you may want to focus on. In addition to these resources, you may want to spend the time and money on completing a full Myers-Briggs personality test, available from a number of places online. These tests are frequently used by employers and universities for both growth and placement purposes.

Without knowing where we stand, it’s difficult to know which way to improve and move forward. Fortunately, a positive attitude is a skill like any other, and will get stronger with effort applied. There are countless examples of people who have accomplished amazing things as a result of their attitude and Can Do spirit. You can most likely find great examples amongst your friends, family, and mentors. Make them your heroes. Emulate them. Alternatively, minimize time with negative people, gossipers, those who may have a victim mentality who make more excuses rather than really owning and learning from their success and their failures.

The next few blog posts will expand on what each of us can do to improve our outlook and ‘attitude’ skill. There are a number of tools that I’ve used to foster a positive mental outlook. We will discuss the uses of meditation, acupuncture, physical exercise, counseling, medical options and others.

As always, please let me know your comments, suggestions and any tools or attitude adjusters you employ.  Rob

Blog Post 5: As always, thank you for your comments, questions and ideas. A good friend raised an important point recently regarding how many people don’t really know what they are passionate about. He suggests that this is an issue at least until they’ve had enough life experience to discover what appeals to them and what doesn’t. We agreed that time isn’t wasted, merely invested, and reflecting on past experience is a very effective way to better understand what truly makes you happy.

I do believe, however, that there is value in trying to cheat the course of time and accelerating the traditional route of self-discovery. By using the various tools and methods available today to better understand desires, interests and strengths at the beginning of a career, a young person may reach a higher level of enjoyment and gain rapid development earlier and throughout the experience-gaining years. Hindsight will always be 20/20, but what about finding a way to increase foresight?

You see, whenever I’m confronted by younger adults asking advice, I fall back on one of the most important principles guiding the Create Your Own Luck philosophy; the importance of knowing yourself. I can’t stress enough how vital it is for people to seek self-awareness and discover what is truly important to them. This is doubly so for people in their 20’s and 30’s where the information gained through self discovery can be used to make decisions early on, leading to much happier results later. However, one could easily argue that the importance of self-awareness doesn’t decrease with age. We are all here for a limited time only, and that precious commodity becomes more and more treasured, regardless of how many “big” decisions we have left to make.

Recent surveys continue to show the high percentage of people that are generally unhappy with their profession and/or lifestyle. Jokes are made about “the richest man in the graveyard” or how “nobody on their deathbed ever wishes they spent more time at the office”. Although part of this can be chalked up to the way we look at our lives, getting an early start on a conscious life can negate that most painful demon, Regret.

Anyone who knows me, or has been following this blog, can definitely tell you how much I’ve changed over the years (hopefully for the better!). This is largely due to going through this process myself, something I hope I never stop doing. My idea of Success has changed over the years, as well as my plan for seeking it. Whether for security, freedom, family pressures, etc., paths often lead to a desire for abundant wealth…and I was no different. Over the years I sacrificed and made decisions that led me away from my core self, because I thought I was going to get what I really wanted. Now I understand that there are many paths that can lead to prosperity, and I have more understanding about what being “successful” truly means. These days we’ve discovered that having a balanced life, which includes career, family and self-discovery, can be preferable to an “all or nothing” approach, chasing a particular facet of success. An abundant life consists of more than a swollen checkbook. Anyone doubting this can just look at the stories of wealthy, attractive, respected people that struggle with escapism or suicidal tendencies, or of lottery winners that end up bankrupt. I know it sounds like a cliché, but money truly doesn’t solve everything, and the misconception that it does often results in tragedy.

So I urge my readers to delve deeply into self-discovery. Find your passions, understand your wants, needs and what drives you. Will you make mistakes? Of course. Will it require realignment? Definitely. But will it pay off? I’m certain that it will.

Start by seriously considering what Success means to you. Some questions you may want to consider are; What do you enjoy? What excites or fascinates you? What motivates you? What are you curious about? At first you may have a clearer understanding of what you don’t like. That’s fine too. In this process, all knowledge is good knowledge. And you don’t have to be right…you just have to be right for Now – for the next stage of your development and to give you something to build experience on. You may stumble on something you want to do 24/7 from now until forever, or you may find that you are building a personal experience ‘well’, one ladle of life at a time.

It’s more important to be guiding your decisions to incorporate your passions than to find your one career and stay there forever. I was giving a guest lecture at an MBA program last week and I realized that more intense self-discovery at an earlier age could have guided me into a career I was even more excited about. After a very positive experience at IBM during my 20s I began to look for a more lucrative position so I could better support my growing family. I had been trained at IBM to sell large, complex, high-ticket mainframe solutions. The software business was the new growth area back in the late 1980s, so I thought it was natural to transition there. It was rewarding but I was not passionate about it. During class the other night I mentioned how Boeing had just launched it’s new 787 airliner that week. I’m not sure why but I’ve always been excited and passionate about flying, new aircraft, jet propulsion, and speed in general (and I have the speeding tickets to prove it – ouch!). As I’ve said before, I have no regrets but I think I would have had a lot more fun selling aircraft for Boeing. I probably would have traveled more too, which is another thing I love.

So, with the understanding of how important this voyage of self-discovery can be, how and where can someone get started? Let me give you a few ideas…

The EruptingMind Education website is chock full of self-improvement ideas (and while we’re on the subject, becoming a lifelong, dedicated student of self-development is a great habit to pick up). Under the category of Personal Development, click on the Discover your Life Purpose topic link. Although the site has a number of helpful links, this link in particular is tantamount to our topic today, provides some helpful advice and contains a helpful, moving YouTube video with Will Smith giving advice on pursuing your passion. You may find this a nice way to start the search.

If you don’t mind providing your email information (and maybe watching for a bit of junk mail later), egouniversity.com provides a free, interesting, 6-part self-awareness quiz on their website. It’s true that they are providing this free service in order to find participants for their more expensive self-improvement course, but the quiz itself is free for all and fairly well thought out. Also, the site provides “scores” and a decent interpretation of the results that can be very useful to someone seeking guidance on what areas to focus on. Take 10 minutes to do the quiz, print out the interpretation sections, and then decide for yourself what the next step is or whether you are interested in any further assistance from the site.

SelfGrowth.com’s article, “40 Questions to Improve Your Self Awareness” lists questions to add to the others I’ve asked above. Together with a notebook and a quiet hour of reflection, these can provide you with a very personal, interesting dialogue. In life, finding the answers is almost always a direct function of asking the right questions. These can help. Likewise, RevolutionOfMe.com has a short Self Awareness Questions .pdf on the web. Only 10 questions, but pretty powerful revelations can come as a result of taking the time to think things through in their helpful format. It’s also easy to print out and take with you if, like me, you prefer to work off paper when you can.

In today’s hectic world, it’s more important than ever to take the time to get to know yourself, and guide your decision making based on that knowledge. Living day-to-day can easily become routine and your will to grow and carve out a life based on your desires, interests and strengths is vital in overcoming the tide of mediocrity. The web, bookstores and libraries are full of resources that can help you build a knowledge base of what your purpose in life could be. I urge you to seek them out, take the time, and get to know the one person who can have the biggest impact on whether you discover and reach your potential; You! I’d love to hear what tools, books and resources others have used to find guidance. Kindly share them in the comments, and together we can make this post a helpful, personal best practices reference. Rob

Blog Post 4:  I run four or five times a week but I don’t do it because I love it, I do it to stay physically healthy, clear my mind, and reduce stress.  It’s somewhat of a chore but recently I implemented a new technology (new for me) that really makes my run pass more quickly and be more enjoyable.  It’s the use of an iPod!!  Friends have been telling me about it for years but if you’ve been following this blog, you know that my past decisions regarding new technology (and a lot of things) were focused on whether or not it would make me money.  So I put it off… dumb move.  I no longer dread my runs, I look forward to them!

A friend made me a really upbeat playlist.  I love the songs and the 50-60 minute run flies by.  One of the songs is by Pink and there’s a line in it that goes something like, “if you’re wrong in all the right ways”.  I like the song because it is very lively and has a great beat, although I’m not crazy about the gratuitous cursing.  Anyway…it made me think back to my younger days and how I would do embarrassing things at parties, discos(!) and night clubs without the fear of seeing it on the web.

Everyone knows this…but I think it stands repeating.  Assume what you do on your own time WILL be seen or talked about by people that shouldn’t see or hear of it.  Technology and social media can spread the news in seconds.  Assume it will happen.  Being ‘wrong in all the right ways’ is a clever line, but it’s probably just ‘wrong’ if a certain pic, video, or conversation becomes public.  Be on your guard. Be mindful of who you include in your private life and become familiar with the untag button. Your reputation is one of your most valuable assets and should be protected.  A good litmus test is to realize what you’re doing when you’re out of the office/away from school and think about if you’d be comfortable with it being in front of your parents, mentors, current or potential employers, through Facebook, Twitter, Linked-In, or even on the cover of The Boston Globe. I’m not trying to be a downer – I love having a good time, but you will find it wise to maintain personal integrity and exhibit the kind of self-respect and professionalism that will enhance and support your growth and success.  Rob

BLOG POST 3:  Thank you for your many comments and questions.  People continue to ask me why I am motivated at this point in time to write a book/blog since I’ve been retired over 4 years already.  I wish I thought of writing my thoughts down earlier but life continues to teach and direct me.

The easy answer is that my eldest daughter got me thinking.  She graduated college and began her job search in 2010.  Now she is a pretty capable and bright young woman but as most new college grads realize, it is a very difficult time to get a job.  After a frustrating few months we finally sat down, strategized, brain-stormed, role-played, and put an action plan together.  By September 2010 she got a great job.  She wasn’t lucky.  She did the right things and it paid off.

This, of course, got me thinking.  What I experienced in 1982 (during a very difficult economy) when I was looking for my first job out of college paled in comparison to what our  young people are experiencing today.  People in their 20s and 30s need guidance, practical and actionable advice, and a roadmap to present themselves in the best light.  It is more critical than ever to stand out in the most positive and remarkable way.  So, that’s the easy answer.

Now for the hard (at least for me!) answer.  When I retired back in 2007 my Dad insisted that I get another job.  He knew that I was not the type to sit around and relax for too long.  I did keep my eyes open and I was sure that something would come to me.  I didn’t want to go back to the investment world although I have no regrets at all about my previous career.  I wanted to find something that I was passionate about but I also wanted it to be a lucrative endeavor.

And now, I must digress.  As you might have gathered from my academic and career history, I’ve always struggled with figuring out what I was passionate about.  Maybe that’s a blessing?  There were a lot of things I liked to do and there were many things that I did pretty well but I wasn’t absolutely thrilled or excited about anything in particular.  I was always a little jealous, perplexed, and in awe when I spoke with people who were clearly passionate about one thing.  At least they had focus.  I ‘wasted’ so much time finding my focus.  I tried a lot of different types of careers and industries.  Did I really waste time?  That will be the subject of another posting.  Note to File; it’s ok to be confused!  You learn a lot from it.

I guess I did have a focus but it wasn’t that admirable.  It wasn’t my deep passion.  My focus was that I wanted to make money.  Did that desire blind me?  Can anyone give their budding passions any foundation if making money is the sole focus?  Is that a bad thing?  Is there a way to get to know yourself more deeply at that age so that your career will have more of a clear direction?  There will be a whole chapter in the book about these questions but again, at the end of the day, I have no regrets.

So let’s get back to the hard answer.  By 2010 my new career direction had still not come to me.  I was getting a bit frustrated because I felt like I had a lot to offer but I demanded (in myself) that if I was going to spend any serious time on a new endeavor it must be very lucrative.  And yes, I guess I would have to be sort of passionate about it!

Well, two things happened between the Fall of 2010 and the Summer of 2011.  I call them my ‘Two Swift Kicks in the Head’.  No, sorry, I won’t get into any detail at this point but what I will tell you is that those ‘kicks’ woke me up.  They shook my core. They made me think about what was really really important.  And I learned, and I’m learning.  They set my life on a new path where the capitalistic biz-man Rob was more balanced with the caring and giving Rob.  I want to give the latter persona more breathing room now because I finally realize at 50 years old that my passion was there all along!  I guess the biz-man Rob enabled me to go with my passion for the future.  Maybe?  Or maybe I could have done both.  Whatever.  No regrets.  I’m looking forward.

Over the Summer I asked myself to forget about the money and really think about what I liked to do.  It came to me in a matter of weeks.  I realized that over the years the work that I really enjoyed was helping people, coaching them, educating them on what worked for me and what didn’t, giving advice on their career directions.  I loved strategizing and brainstorming with my team and our Executive Committee on how to best accomplish our business goals.  And I would always profess that we will perform the best if we are doing something we like, or hopefully, love.   Yeah…this could be a ‘Do as I say, not as I do’ moment but hey, I got the message finally!!

Rob

Attitude by Charles Swindoll, Dover NH

“The longer I live the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude ,to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than successes, than failure, than circumstances, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, or home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is to play on the one string we have and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you….We are in charge of our attitudes.”

Wow!  I could not have said this any better.  I and others have been talking about the effects of positive attitude for years.  Yes, eyes usually glaze over – that “blah blah blah” thing.   How do I get people to really believe this passionately and change their lives as a result?  We all have bad attitudes at some point.  How do we rise above it?  That is a very difficult question but it can be done.  Attitude can be a career killer!  I have many stories to share.  I’d love to hear yours.